Episode 13 - Give Life A Big Hug

0:08 Welcome, you are listening to the podcast, a Resident Life produced by the time is now Productions. I am Mike Thompson, your host, and reflector and chief. In this podcast, we will discuss experiences and insights, from living a life devoted to uncovering the authentic self. And finding fulfilling purpose from the past, the present and the future. This podcast is a product of my life and experience and I'll share my opinions. Opinions between people are various and we don't all need to hold the same ones, but it is fun to hear the opinions of others as it gives us an opportunity to freshen up our own. If you enjoy and gain Insight from listening, Please Subscribe.

0:59 And share. If you have questions, please email them. And as always, nothing you hear here is a prescription or a prescription. It is a discussion of life and life's internal and external experiences. So, let's get to it. And welcome, welcome to episode 13 of a resonant life. As always, I'm happy and thrilled that you're listening and that were engaging together in this project of uncovering the authentic self and working to become more fulfilled in our own lives but helping to create fulfillment in the lives of those around us. Us and extending that circle out infinitely. Today's topic is going to be a challenging one and so I'm going to do my best to try and bring some light to it and to help you understand this concept and to put it into practice in your daily life.

2:12 The concept is embracement. Now, embracement isn't something that is actually found in the traditional ancient Buddhist Canon, but it's a very modern way of looking at a whole bunch of stuff in Buddhism and looking at it, in a way that's very practical and very easy to understand and very Possible to put into practice in our daily lives. It's a big concept and it comes to us out of Shino Buddhism, which is a lay Buddhist practice order, founded articulated and shared for the modern world. So let's just think about the word and the concept for just a minute when we think of Embrace or embracing, that's, you know, hugging taking in accepting but it's more than accepting embracement is to incorporate.

3:09 To mix in. But it isn't mixing in like adding milk and sugar to coffee and creating sort of a solution. It is more, the creation of life is a mosaic. Whole comprised of the unique and individual pieces where the individual unique pieces of the Mosaic stand out and exist, but they create a much larger and more beautiful and amazing piece of art. So, embracement also, it's more than just accepting diversity diversity in our families diversity. In our communities, Our Lives, it's more than this It's welcoming, it's inviting and encouraging diversity. Including the full uniqueness of everything that can be imagined. So it's not just allowing or giving permission to it's really taking it in and making it a part of oneself, an interplay between who you think you are and the rest of the diversity around you.

4:31 Now, this goes against our nature. This goes against our very basic Nature's as living beings are genetic will to survive thrive and propagate, and we've talked about this probably in almost every episode in that practice Buddhist practice. Altruistic, practice putting others before yourself. This goes against our genetic nature to survive. And that's essentially the project itself is is overriding. The genetic are genetic nature because Happiness is not found in surviving per se, happiness and joy in our lives and extending out.

5:18 To others lives is created out of altruism. And altruism is the opposite of following. Our genetic natures. Because it's putting other before self. So, embracement is essentially a way of conceptualizing and putting into practice in everyday life, a very ancient and traditional Buddhist practice called the in the, for immeasurable states of mind. And as translated, it's translated, many ways. But my favorite is I find it quite beautiful and inspiring, but this is how the for immeasurable states of Mind are presented. Its may all have happiness and the causes of happiness. May they be liberated from suffering and the causes of suffering may they never be separated from the happiness, which is free from sorrow.

6:20 May they rest in Equanimity free from attachment and aversion. So that's the four, immeasurable states of mind. And the practice of embracement includes that it wraps that all up into a more easily, understood way of moving forward of acting in ways that put into practice, the four immeasurable states of mind. So those four immeasurable states of Mind are summarized basically, as number one, Equanimity. Number two, loving-kindness.

7:02 Number three, compassion, and number for joy. So, let's look at that quickly. Let's look at these four Concepts Equanimity. We've talked about Equanimity before Equanimity is having a state of mind and having a heart that isn't differentiating instinctively and reactively between good and bad like and dislike between friend and enemy between happiness and sorrow. It's a balanced state of where were being intentional with our hearts and our minds and not letting the buffeting forces of life in the world, move us this way in that there's a sense of control but it's not a conscious control, it's more like A boat sitting in the water.

8:03 In a cool. Calm, body of water. The boat just sitting there floating in the water, that's a visual representation of equanimity. And what our minds could be like if we're in a state of equanimity not liking disliking reacting strongly in negatively, reacting strongly in positively, and then, loving kindness. Loving. Kindness is being willing to help being willing to care. And to give of ourselves without condition or distinction. Loving kindness.

8:48 Is having an open heart, that is welcoming and that extends out to others. There's no ill-will, there's no sentimentality. It's just a giving of oneself to help other beings, not just people animals to the environment, reaching out, creating a better world. This is all part of loving kindness. And then compassion, I think a lot of people are very familiar with what compassion is and compassion just to get into it. A little bit is, is, is being able to put oneself in the shoes of another and to understand what another, it might be feeling or going through. And being able to connect on that level on that person-to-person level.

9:49 It's being able to feel care and concern. It's being able to react In a way that wants to help that wants to bring joy. That wants to establish, peace, that wants to bring people out of conflict out of poverty to bring people out of bad situations. Compassion is our, our will and our drive for peace.

10:30 And the fourth of the four immeasurables is joy. And the four immeasurables are are presented in two different ways. As a sort of a path, a progression. I think that the, the original the oldest when Buddhism was first written down or shared it was Joy compassion, loving kindness. Equanimity, Equanimity was the final and the hardest to achieve Mahayana Buddhism flipped it around and they said, Equanimity is the place to start. Training yourself to be available for others without distinction or condition. So it's Equanimity, loving kindness, compassion, Passion and that's all leads to Joy. And joy is celebrating the happiness of others. Joy isn't just about this.

11:20 Isn't the kind of joy that you have yourself. It's a bigger Joy. A great. Joy sympathetic Joy. It's finding joy in the success and the happiness of others. It's feeling Joy. When others. Are in a good place. The opposite of this, of course, is jealousy. So this is a joy in others, success in others life in others thriving. if we feel Joy for the success and happiness of others, Then certainly, we've mastered Equanimity loving-kindness and compassion because it's other success unrelated to our own benefit that we feel Joy. Okay, let's get out of the more abstract and get down to a little more of the nitty-gritty.

12:15 Equanimity, how do we do this in our daily lives? How do we engage in the practice of becoming a Quantum has? I'm not sure how to say that. So one basic way really and we've talked about this before in other episodes, as well as accept people for who and what they are and start with your immediate circle, whether that's your family spouse and children. Mother father, Best friends colleagues start in that near close Circle. And look at people a little more objectively without judging. Look at them without putting your expectations on them. Look at them, trying to understand what their own personal expectations, and situation might be accept them for who and what they are in the moment. You can't really change others to be the way you want. You can only change yourself.

13:16 The best way to change yourself is to stop putting expectations on to people to meet your own needs, but rather just accept them for who and what they are. For me, the best experience I had with this recently, I think, is in a, in a job. I was doing. I had a colleague who, you know, they just weren't very motivated, and they weren't interested in excellence and they weren't interested in planning. Basically, they'd go into a project without having prepared, it would blow up and then they'd work hard and long and And in the end it would all come out.

14:01 Okay. But the roller coaster of stress, not just for that person. But for everybody around them, including me was extraordinary. And I was constantly saying, why don't you plan You could have avoided this problem by doing this two days ago. There's a hundred different ways. I could take apart what they did and how they did it and how it could have been better. But in the end, the only thing that came of me, trying to assert my way onto this colleague, made him unhappy made me unhappy cause stress, for both of us and increase the stress of all those around us.

14:44 There was no positive outcome there. So One day, I just realized that I needed to accept. How this person did what they did, accept them for who, and what they were and, and how they approach their job, their career. As a manager, this was very difficult because there's all kinds of performance, expectations, and requirements of our customers, and our leaders, and everybody else. But In accepting this person. I was able to manage the expectations of others and I was better able to provide the support. My colleague needed to be ultimately successful.

15:27 Even if things blew up in the process and at the end of it, I was less stressed out and more satisfied. And he was less stressed out and more satisfied. And the projects did get done to spec. Ali. That changed how I approached managing people in a profound way. And I extended that acceptance of who and what people are to all of my colleagues and suddenly what had often been a challenging workplace with competing personalities and competing priorities became a much more enjoyable harmonious place with a lot more laughter and a lot more getting along.

16:18 Was it more efficient? Hmm, maybe not. Was it more productive? Probably not. But did everybody involved feel better? Absolutely. Was everybody involved therefore more successful? There is no doubt. So, accept people for who and what they are. You can't change them. You can only change yourself. Another important way of putting into practice Equanimity, this might not sound intuitively connected, but do what you say and say what you do people like to say.

16:59 Walk the talk and this also is something that people have a hard time with, but it's one of the most important personal Integrity things that will cause you to become a person that others look to, we've talked a lot about becoming a person others. Miss that up, becoming a person that others want to be around, becoming a person that others can rely upon doing what you say and saying, what you do is a key step to that. So checking in with yourself being intentional, Am I doing what I say I would do. Am I doing what I say others. I want others to do is their consistency. And tagging on to, that is being honest and forthright in all of your relationships and all of your Communications with others. Whether it's your family friends colleagues again, starting in the small closed Circle, but it's so important being honest and forthright, but consider it in your honesty and your forthrightness being considerate to how your honesty and forthrightness.

18:12 Enos will affect others. Maybe a better way to say this is to be transparent. Don't have a hidden agenda. Don't hold back. What others need to know or others need to hear to help them move forward in their lives. To help them be happier. Be honest and forthright, but considerate be transparent. And continuing another important thing to do is to accept situations for what they are good or bad. This is like accepting people for who and what they are but this is also important.

18:55 For the situations, you find yourself in Accept the situation for what it is, good or bad enjoyable or unenjoyable challenging or boring. Accept it for what it is and if it's bad. You can change it face, squarely the situation and then make a plan to either create a new situation or change the situation that you're in. But if you're going to change the situation that you're in, then you need to enlist the other people who are helping to create that situation. And for that, we go back to number one, accept people for who and what they are.

19:39 So another step moving into loving kindness and actions. We can take practices, we can do behaviors ways of thinking and being for loving kindness. Is that always, keeping in mind that you are not alone. You do not exist in this universe alone and you can help others wherever you are. And in whatever situation you may find yourself. you are surrounded by people that need your help and you, Have an infinite infinite capacity to help.

20:22 That is your authentic self realizing that you have an infinite supply of help that you can offer whatever situation you're in whatever mindset you're in you can still help you can still reach out a hand. This is your superpower. And you have to embrace that superpower. Once you say, I do have an infinite supply of an ability to help. Then. Joy will pop up where there was no joy before or where it was covered or hidden? So loving kindness, You Are Not Alone, look around you, you can help others.

21:06 Maybe it's just a kind word, maybe it's a smile for somebody who's having a hard day. A bad time. Whatever situation you're in, be kind smile. No, you're not alone and know that. You have an infinite supply of happiness and joy and help that you can offer to others. Even if you're not yourself, feeling happiness, and happy and joyful, you can still share with others. And compassion. Being kind. And this is more than the previous just being available to help being kind is a is a state of being be kind to all others including yourself be kind in all of your Words. Words are Weapons dangerous.

22:03 Or there are a soothing balm, a cause of happiness and joy. So be careful with your words and if you're trying to be kind your words will reflect that. And the thoughts and feelings behind the words will also reflect that Focus hard to be kind to your loved ones, and then be kind to strangers. There's so many ways in our busy daily lives, especially for in crowded, crowded cities, moving from one place to another. It's so hard to ignore. All those people around us to just blot them out and think of them as objects are obstacles to get around and through and get behind us that we can get to where we're going. Life becomes completely different. If you start walking through crowds with a smile. And look at the faces.

23:01 See the people that are around you, this is a step towards being kind to all and then the next the most difficult be kind to those people you don't like or care for be kind to people whom you might think of as adversaries or enemies. Being kind is be considerate. Extend a hand, be open to them regardless of their hostility, negativity. Whatever it is that you're reacting, negatively to And as you extend kindness to them, then you're actually not reacting negatively and then you can start to see them for who and what they are. rather than just seeing them as enemies are adversaries or people, you don't like or care for This is the heart of compassion, compassion to wall without regard or distinction. And finally celebrate the success and happiness of others. This is Joy, the happiness and success of others in your life is a reflection of your own good heart. We've talked a lot about how practice and altruism leads to Joy.

24:25 Joy isn't something. You can manufacture consciously. It isn't something. You can think into creation. It's something you have to act to create. You have to take action. You have to be helpful to others. You have to be kind to others. You have to be accepting of others and situation. Ian's and then Joy is the product. A joy that you can't describe a joy that will permeate your heart and your mind and extend out to others. And in that again, you become a person, others want to be around a person. Others can rely upon a person, others will miss if you're not there.

25:20 So this is the path of embracement. Except the past and minded for insight on how to accept the presence. except that the future will come face it squarely and with open arms, these are sort of the two concluding thoughts of embracement with the for immeasurable states of Mind Equanimity, loving kindness compassion, Joy work on these in your daily life. Consciously intentionally Put them into practice, do it, and then, accept the past, the past doesn't need to be baggage. That you carry around rather it is treasure because you can look through it and find insights on how to be better today, and don't be anxious about the future, because the future will come Regardless, and if you're practicing embracement, you can face it squarely and with open arms and accept it with joy. This Is The Life.

26:29 Give it a hug and embrace it. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope you're able to take something away from this discussion and to put it into practice in your daily life and to help others around you, you help your family, your friends, your colleagues, help strangers, help all beings, and in helping all beings, you become a critical part of creating peace in our lives. In this world, world, and in this universe, Big Talk big goals but it's possible in its real.

27:10 Thank you again. I look forward to next week's episode and I hope everybody has a great week in a great weekend. Take care. Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this podcast and want to hear more, please subscribe, and share. If you'd like to share your own experiences thoughts or ask a question. Please send an email to Mike at resonant. Social with gratitude, theme music is courtesy of stock audios. Distributed by pixabay a resident. Life, is a podcast from the time is Productions.