Episode 28 - When A Jerk Crosses Our Path

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Welcome, you are listening to
the podcast A Resident Life

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produced by the Time is Now
Productions.

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I am Mike Thompson, your host
and Reflector in Chief.

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In this podcast, we will discuss
experiences and insights from

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living a life devoted to
uncovering the authentic self

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and finding fulfilling purpose
from the past, the present, and

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the future.
This podcast is a product of my

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life and experience and I'll
share my opinions.

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Opinions between people are
various and we don't all need to

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hold the same ones, but it is
fun to hear the opinions of

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others as it gives us an
opportunity to freshen up our

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own.
If you enjoy and gain insight

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from listening, please subscribe
and share.

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If you have questions, please
e-mail them.

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And as always, nothing you hear
here is a proscription or a

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prescription.
It is a discussion of life and

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life's internal and external
experiences.

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So let's get to it and welcome,
welcome back.

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Thank you for listening and
joining me today.

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And a special hello and welcome
to those joining for the first

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time.
I'm.

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I'm so happy that we're all
together to work on this project

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of the authentic self and
cultivating abiding happiness in

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our lives and the lives of those
around us.

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So let's let's jump right in.
A few weeks ago I was riding the

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bus in the early part of the
morning.

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You know that that early part of
rush hour when there there isn't

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a lot of traffic, but the
traffic that there is all seems

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to be going a little too fast,
Very rush, rush and impatient.

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Got to get where we're going.
So there I am, riding the bus as

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I typically did this summer on
Tuesdays, feeling a bit drowsy,

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but still trying to do some
quiet meditation and

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contemplation and thinking about
what I was going to be doing

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later.
But really, really I was more

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fighting off drowsiness, to be
honest, yeah, drowsiness was

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winning, most definitely.
So there I was sort of in this

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state and but suddenly the bus
which which wasn't going fast at

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all, the bus veered hard while
breaking and laying on the horn.

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And Needless to say, my
drowsiness was gone.

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And so is any meditation I had
going.

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And of course, like like
everyone on the bus, we all kind

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of looked out the window.
We all clambered to have a look

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to see what caused the driver to
break and veer and honk.

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It was kind of a jarring
experience.

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So it seems that from what we
saw, that just as we were about

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to cross an intersection with a
green light, an expensive car

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found itself in a turn lane.
And that driver didn't want to

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turn, apparently.
So they tried to pull back into

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the main lane, which happened to
have been occupied by our bus,

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and two solid objects can't
occupy the same place at the

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same time.
And our bus driver was alert and

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quick to react.
And frankly, present prevented

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an accident.
Thank you bus driver.

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So that passed.
As we gently accelerated and

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went through the intersection, I
I happened to see the face of

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the driver of the car that
almost hit us and there was this

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look of of rage and frustration
on their face.

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It it literally made me cringe
and kind of shrink back from the

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window.
Now by all rights our bus driver

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adeptly averted an accident, an
accident that would have been

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caused by that driver and
frankly I was grateful for our

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bus drivers attention and quick
response.

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Nobody would have had a good day
if that day had started out with

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an accident in a bus.
And you know, I I was a bit

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peeved that the driver of that
car not only almost caused the

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accident, but that they seemed
outraged that the bus had honked

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at them and not let them crash
into us as we rolled on.

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I was I was really stuck on that
driver's careless and

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unjustified rage, at least what
I interpreted as rage from their

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facial expression.
A lot of jerk, I thought, what a

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jerk.
And I was also thinking, why?

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Why is it people with expensive
cars always feel they have the

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right of way?
And I was also thinking with

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that kind of driving and road
rage, that person will crash

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that car before it is more than
a year old.

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Very self-righteous, right?
And doubling down on this whole

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train of thought, why are there
so many jerks in the world?

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Why does being a what does being
a jerk get anyone?

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So these, these are all the
negative things I was ruminating

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on.
And you know, I felt this

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tension in my chest and in my
shoulders as I did so.

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It was kind of a physical
tension that that made me hunch

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over a bit and close in.
And thankfully I caught myself

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fairly quickly.
I literally heard Ding, Ding,

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Ding, Ding, Ding in my head as I
realized I was in the middle of

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a spiritual cue.
Or rather, I had an opportunity

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to take advantage of a spiritual
cue.

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Maybe it was the hunching of my
shoulders, that physical

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sensation which woke me up to
the spiritual cue.

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OK, recap.
Quick recap.

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Remember, spiritual cues are
those moments in our lives when

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we catch ourselves in negative
frames of mind.

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And then we use those moments
rather than riding them out and

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being the victim of them being
the passenger.

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We use those moments to take
agency, to take control and to

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uncover the role our egos play
to create and perpetuate those

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states.
And having uncovered that, we

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then consciously turn those
negative states of mind into

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positive ones states of mind of
help and altruism rather than

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irritation, anger, aversion,
even revenge.

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So here it was, my spiritual
cue.

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My mind was sitting in a
negative state.

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I was brooding on the action and
the reaction of that driver who

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almost caused the accidents.
My body was tensed up with the

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negative mindset.
Doing a mental inventory of all

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this, I realized I was I was
attached to the negativity of

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the situation, that that somehow
I'd internalized the situation

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and the driver's apparent rage,
and I was reacting to it.

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I had taken an external incident
and internalized it from my

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ego's perspective.
The driver of the car was

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enraged with me and I was
reacting to that emotion which I

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only presumed and assumed they
felt I can't know what they were

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really feeling.
I'm not a mind reader.

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I was basically just going off
of visual cues and my ego made

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all kinds of assumptions and
decisions based on that and

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attached rage to that.
And then I felt it personally

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and reacted to it okay.
So back to our bus ride.

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The bus is still rolling on.
And just as I started to

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contemplate turning those
negative emotions to positive

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ones and kind of releasing the
attachment to all this, the bus

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stopped at the next bus stop.
No problem, right?

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No problem.
But there was a parked car sort

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of blocking the stop, so the bus
had to stop diagonally.

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And this effectively blocked all
the traffic behind the bus, so

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no cars could get around and go
past.

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And of course, of course it was
a crowded bus stop, and of

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course there were a lot of
tourists, bless them, who didn't

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know how to pay the fare, how
much to pay, etcetera.

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It was taking a long time.
And sure as anything, this

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situation became dramatic.
All these cars stacking up

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behind us, one of them, a car
behind us.

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They laid on their horn, honking
and honking and honking.

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And then just one long honk.
And then short ones again.

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Beep, beep, beep, beep it.
I swear it must have gone on for

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for at least a couple of
minutes.

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You know, it seems like hours,
but a couple of minutes is a

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pretty long time to sit there
and have to listen to honking.

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And although I couldn't see who
was honking, I knew in my bones

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who it was.
I knew it had to be that car

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that almost hit us, trying to
get into our lane.

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That what I called enraged
driver.

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And finally, finally, the bus
started going again.

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Everybody was had their seats,
paid their fares.

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The bus started going again and
cleared the blocked lane and

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they looked out my window just
as I heard of the roar of a

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revving motor.
And sure enough, the car and

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driver I knew it would be wailed
past us.

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Honking the whole way just blew
by us and all my work to get out

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of my negative mindset.
All that work, which I'd really

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only just started, went poof,
gone.

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And I was back to contemplating
why are there so many jerks in

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the world and how is it the
misery, jerks cause must be just

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a fragment of the misery they
feel, etcetera, etcetera,

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etcetera.
Projection, projection,

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projection.
And of course all of this line

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of thinking is my own baseless
projection onto them onto the

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jerks of the world.
Frankly, that line of thought

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does have a certain
gratification to it, doesn't it?

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But as gratifying as it is, it,
it isn't the way to move

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positively forward.
So as the bus rolled on and the

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offending car and its driver
were long gone, I had to laugh

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to myself with a bit of a sense
of gratitude.

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The extra chapter to this
experience was helping me to get

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deeper insight into I don't
know, what do we call it?

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Jerkery.
Assholery.

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And let's keep this G rated.
Let's stick with jerkery.

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So I was getting some help
getting deeper insight into

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jerkery.
The second part of the story, I

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guess this experience was sort
of essentially a random act of

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jerkery.
And the nature of random acts of

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jerkery is they're like a toxic
spill of negative emotions.

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Jerkery creates negative
reactions and emotions in

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others.
The the image that comes to mind

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is of a person aggressively and
even violently pushing and

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elbowing through a crowd and
leaving bruises and squished

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toes and upset in their wake.
Screaming babies spilled drinks,

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and while that person elbowing
through is focused on their goal

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and getting there, they are
leaving a wake of pain and upset

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behind them and they are
willfully ignorant of it.

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That wake is the toxic spill of
negative emotions.

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The toxic spill of jerkery.
And what are the emotions that

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come up when we encounter a jerk
when we're swept up in the wake

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of jerkery?
Those emotions?

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Outrage.
Anger, wanting revenge or

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comeuppance?
Schadenfreude.

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And it it isn't fair, right?
Why and why me?

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I didn't deserve that.
And and jerker is disruptive.

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So let's try to break this down
some.

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On one level, I had a spiritual
cue resulting from the initial

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near miss accidents and I was
able to start to look at my

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negative mindset caused by the
situation created by the jerk.

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The process of doing this, if
I'd have been able to finish it

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is pretty straightforward and
mostly consists of mind hacks

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we've used before.
Okay number one step one,

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breathe.
Breathe deeply and breathe

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deeply again.
Do pause.

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Mentally step back and look at
our negative emotions and

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mindset.
Look at it objectively, kind of

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from a distance.
Three, explore where do the

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negative emotions come from.
Certainly with that question

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posed to ourselves, the ego will
shout from me. 4 Gratitude.

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Thank that ego for being on
guard, for protecting us and

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being alert. 5 Agency We can't
fix the jerk.

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We can't stop jerkery, but we
can assert control over our

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minds and egos and reassert A
mindset of compassion, altruism,

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and unconditional support, even
for jerks. 6 Compassion.

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Actually send some compassion in
a prayer or a thought to the

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jerk who caused the whole thing.
It is a bit of a long exercise,

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6 steps, and of course in your
daily life, as things move along

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quickly as they tend to, we may
not recall each step and what

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order and so on, and that
doesn't matter.

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The point is to be awake to the
spiritual cues and to work with

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the experiences and emotions in
those moments to reestablish a

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sense of agency.
A sense of agency where we are

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actors of peace and compassion
in the world.

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That with the actions of our
body, our speech and our minds,

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we are causes of peace, not
conflict, harmony, not

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disruption.
Now remember earlier I said I

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felt a bit of gratitude for
chapter two of this experience,

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that I found some deeper
insights.

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So chapter two was when the bus
was at the at the bus stop and

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blocking the road.
And the deeper insight is this

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reflection, literally
reflection.

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Essentially, others other people
are our mirrors.

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They show us ourselves with
those we get along with.

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We are often being shown those
aspects of ourselves we like,

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that we are comfortable with,
that are synctonic with who we

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believe we are and the self we
believe we are putting out or

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want to put out into the world
the identity we project, the

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most positive version of ourself
that we can imagine.

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When we become irritated with
others, those others are still

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reflections of ourselves.
The difference is we are seeing

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them in parts of ourselves we
don't like or don't want to see,

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or are impatient with or try to
hide.

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Consciously or unconsciously,
we're seeing in them parts of

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ourselves we don't like.
Our egos resonate positively to

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those things that reinforce
positive self-image.

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Pats on the back, right?
We like those Pats on the back.

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Our ego loves Pats on the back,
and our egos react negatively to

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those things they don't want to
acknowledge, own up to, or

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admit.
We all have the capacity to be

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any way, any type of person.
Kind, thoughtful and generous,

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you know, or mean, cruel and
selfish.

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We have the capacity to go
either way.

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It is our egos and our conscious
minds together that make the

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choices about how we are and how
we manifest the the egos, the

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autopilot and our conscious
minds.

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Our intentions do the hard work
to be better.

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Our egos, like the horse and our
conscious minds and intentions

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are the riders steering the
horse.

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Part of the exercise of living
intentionally, of living awake,

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is being actively conscious of
this reality that others are our

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mirrors, and it isn't enough to
just be aware of it.

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We need to actively use the
information and experience we

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get from the insights we realize
to change ourselves.

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We need to use those insights to
further tame our egos and

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cultivate the heart of altruism,
the deep heart of loving

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kindness.
So where am I going with this

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time for the reveal, this deeper
experience from Chapter 2?

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This prompted me to ask myself,
am I?

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A jerk, too.
Have I been a jerk?

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When have I in my life, engaged
in jerkery?

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And the the honest answer to
those questions is tough to

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swallow and hard to admit.
But yes, yes, yes, yes indeed.

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I've been a jerk.
I've unleashed jerkery in the

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world more than once, most
certainly more than once.

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And sitting with this self
knowledge, realization, and

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admission, a number of doors and
possibilities open up.

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I can explore the causes of my
jerkery, my own jerkery.

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You know, maybe I was late for
something.

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Maybe I was frustrated or angry.
Maybe I was in physical or

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emotional pain.
Maybe I was depressed.

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Or on the other hand, maybe I
was ecstatic and in my happiness

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and joy completely, completely
thoughtless and oblivious to

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those around me.
So, exploring the causes of our

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jerkery, we come to 1 root
cause, being completely

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oblivious to others and only
concerned with ourselves.

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Again, the cause of jerkery.
Being completely oblivious to

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others and only concerned with
ourselves.

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When we are completely oblivious
to others and only concerned

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with ourselves, we are not
engaged in altruistic actions.

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We are not being actively
compassionate.

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We are not uncovering our
authentic selves.

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And we are definitely,
definitely not being creators of

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peace and happiness for others.
In this oblivious state, there

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00:22:22,510 --> 00:22:26,310
is only only ourself, no one
else.

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00:22:26,590 --> 00:22:30,110
Our mission, our goal, our
objective, our need, want,

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00:22:30,110 --> 00:22:31,790
desire, wish.
That's all there is.

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Our self So OK, another door
that opens up is.

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With this insight.
I can actually feel compassion

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00:22:45,340 --> 00:22:49,060
for jerks, for the jerks I
encounter in my life.

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Whether they are infrequent
jerks or chronic jerks or just

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the random jerks Feeling
compassion for them, I make a

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00:23:00,340 --> 00:23:06,820
forward step toward being true
to the value of extending help

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without condition or
distinction.

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Being without condition or
distinction is foundational to

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our project.
And next, with this insight, I

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00:23:24,940 --> 00:23:32,260
am I am humbled.
I cannot sit in judgment of

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00:23:32,260 --> 00:23:35,910
jerks because I've certainly
been a jerk.

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I cannot put myself above jerks
or anyone for that matter,

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because really we are all the
same and we are all trying to be

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00:23:46,830 --> 00:23:51,150
happy.
Every being is just trying to be

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00:23:51,150 --> 00:23:56,030
happy.
All of us are doing the best we

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00:23:56,030 --> 00:24:01,890
can.
This kind of humility is is so

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00:24:01,890 --> 00:24:04,490
profound and so important to our
work.

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Without humility, we will lose
our way trying to be a person

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00:24:11,770 --> 00:24:16,370
others rely upon, a person that
others will miss.

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00:24:16,650 --> 00:24:20,770
When we're not around, we'll
veer from the path of

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cultivating abiding happiness
for ourselves and others.

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00:24:27,250 --> 00:24:32,800
Humility is home base.
Throughout our project here, we

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keep coming back to key mindsets
that we must continue to

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actively cultivate.
Humility, gratitude, altruism,

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00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:47,520
compassion.
Every time we do our spiritual

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00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:52,960
cue exercise, if in our mental
and emotional exploration we

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00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:56,920
look for the points, the
openings, the seeds of humility,

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00:24:57,360 --> 00:25:02,960
gratitude, altruism and
compassion, we will continue to

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00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:07,400
make forward progress that will
positively change our lives and

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00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:14,920
the lives of those around us.
So that person who almost

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00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:19,360
crashed our bus and who later
regaled us with the very

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00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:25,760
irritating sound of their car
horn, that person is someone now

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00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:33,780
I feel very grateful to.
Yeah, they may have been a jerk

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00:25:33,780 --> 00:25:38,340
and left a trail of jerkery
behind them, but because we've

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00:25:38,340 --> 00:25:42,740
done this work, as a result,
their actions caused me to do

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00:25:42,740 --> 00:25:44,860
this work and we've done it
together now.

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They also left in their wake.
Besides toxic stuff, they also

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00:25:51,820 --> 00:25:56,620
left in their wake the seeds of
spiritual progress and

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00:25:56,620 --> 00:26:02,840
enlightenment.
One more time the jerk and their

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00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:09,280
jerkery left in their wake the
speeds of spiritual progress and

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00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:12,800
enlightenment.
Isn't that something?

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00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:20,000
Nemesis becomes teacher?
Isn't that really something?

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00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:27,500
So thank you.
Thank you again so very much for

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00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:32,420
joining today.
Your good, positive kind actions

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00:26:32,420 --> 00:26:34,860
touch everyone.
Be assured of that.

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00:26:35,340 --> 00:26:40,100
They touch everyone everywhere.
As we do this work, we will

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00:26:40,100 --> 00:26:44,420
certainly avoid jerkery in our
own lives and be better stewards

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00:26:44,420 --> 00:26:46,300
of the blessings we have in our
lives.

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00:26:46,860 --> 00:26:49,140
So let's continue to walk this
path together.

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00:26:50,220 --> 00:26:54,100
Let's all try our best to be
awake to those four key mindsets

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00:26:54,510 --> 00:26:57,870
humility, gratitude, altruism,
and compassion.

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00:26:58,950 --> 00:27:02,070
The more we look for them, the
more they will awaken in our

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00:27:02,070 --> 00:27:06,550
hearts and minds and show us how
to act positively in every

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00:27:06,550 --> 00:27:09,870
situation.
I look forward to our next

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00:27:09,870 --> 00:27:15,030
episode as we continue to
uncover and discover our

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authentic selves.
Thank you.

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00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,480
Thank you for listening.
If you enjoyed this podcast and

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00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:27,040
want to hear more, please
subscribe and share.

347
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,600
If you'd like to share your own
experience, thoughts or ask a

348
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:35,400
question, please send an e-mail
to Mike at Resonant dot Social

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00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,600
with Gratitude.
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00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:44,080
Audios distributed by Pixa Bay,
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00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,880
from the Time Is Now
Productions.