July 22, 2023

Episode 27 - Spiritual Listening - Listening with your Heart

When we feel irritated or bothered by others when they're talking to us, we can use this negative response to create a positive outcome. We can use it to listen with our entire beings to the other person and in that listening, in that hearing, discover, wisdom and joy for them and ourselves.


#buddhism #happiness #lifecoach #lifecoaching #joy #buddhanature #authenticself #prosperity #satisfaction #grief #loss #impermanence #harmony #anger #meditation #buddhistpractice #stress #stressmanagement #activelistening #compassion #activelistening #listening

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Welcome, you are listening to
the podcast A Resident Life

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produced by the Time is Now
Productions.

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I am Mike Thompson, your host
and Reflector in Chief.

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In this podcast, we will discuss
experiences and insights from

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living a life devoted to
uncovering the authentic self

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and finding fulfilling purpose
from the past, the present, and

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the future.
This podcast is a product of my

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life and experience and I'll
share my opinions.

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Opinions between people are
various and we don't all need to

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hold the same ones, but it is
fun to hear the opinions of

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others as it gives us an
opportunity to freshen up our

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own.
If you enjoy and gain insight

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from listening, please subscribe
and share.

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If you have questions, please
e-mail them.

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And as always, nothing you hear
here is a proscription or a

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prescription.
It is a discussion of life and

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life's internal and external
experiences.

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So let's get to it
and welcome, welcome again,

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thank you for listening and
joining me today.

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And as always, I want to extend
a special hello and welcome to

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those joining for the first
time.

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For those of you who've been
with me on this project for a

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while, welcome back.
So today's topic was suggested

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by a listener, and as I've been
mulling it over and trying to be

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attentive about it, I realized
that this this topic is one that

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we will need to not only talk
about here today, but that will

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need to come back to it.
It is something that is really

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foundational in our whole
project of uncovering our

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authentic selves and being a
person others rely upon.

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And it is a topic that on the
surface seems right.

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Not that interesting, rather it
is so overworked and over hashed

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and discussed that well, what
more can be said about it?

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But but as I put all of my
intention and attention watching

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myself and my reactions and
interactions and responses to

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others in my daily life, I
realized there's a lot more to

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it and so many more dimensions
that we can uncover.

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Witness and then understanding
and seeing them put into action,

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put them into action.
And once put into action, we

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will then be taking big steps
forward toward our goal of

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uncovering our authentic selves.
And this topic was suggested by

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a listener, and that made it
something that I needed to

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really focus and work on.
So here we are.

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So okay, what is the topic,
right?

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I've been talking around it
without sharing what it is, and

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that is intentional because I
suspect many of you will skip

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this episode.
Once you know what the topic is,

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you'll hit like skip.
So I'm trying to peak your peak

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and enlist your interest so that
you'll stick with me on this.

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I think it's going to be that
rich.

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So ready.
Okay, the topic is listening.

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Boom.
I can hear everyone grown so

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please bear with me.
Okay.

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We're not talking about the type
of listening we've all learned

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about at work and via self help.
Not that those things are bad,

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but we're not talking about
that.

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We're not talking about
traditional listening techniques

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or active listening methods per
se.

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And we're not really talking
about what is now referred to as

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EQ or EI emotional intelligence.
We're talking about wholly

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listening, completely listening,
spiritually listening, entering

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into a state of grace where we
can hear and know the unspoken.

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We're talking about listening
with our eyes, Listening with

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our bodies.
Listening by paying attention to

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what is behind the actions of
others.

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Listening with a mindset and
intention of being of help.

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Listening without an agenda,
Listening without an angle,

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Listening without trying to get
an edge or advantage.

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Listening without conditions or
distinctions.

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Listening around through, over
and behind the words, listening

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to the intent, listening to the
spirit, listening with the wish

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to understand.
So there are several aspects to

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this approach to listening, and
actually we need to think of it

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as a practice, the practice of
spiritual listening.

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This is all very lofty, right?
What does it mean and what does

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it look like in practice?
And how do we actually do this?

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And those are all good
questions.

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So to begin to find the answers
to those questions, we need to

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first turn to our use of
spiritual cues.

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Remember spiritual cues.
Remember, these are the moments

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where we we catch ourselves in
negative reactions and negative

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mindsets and thoughts, and we
mentally and emotionally step

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back to find out what is really
going on and to find a

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compassionate and altruistic way
forward.

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So for the practice of spiritual
listening, the the first step is

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to use our mental cues to use
our spiritual cues to prompt us

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to observe ourselves as we
interact with others.

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We need to not only be engaged
fully with others in this

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practice, but we need to also be
a bit disengaged, have a part of

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us that is watching ourselves
objectively.

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So what?
Engaged but disengaged.

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A bit contradictory, isn't it?
The key to doing this is to

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listen fully engaged, but
keeping our ego in check.

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So that disengaged part is it's
sort of the traffic cop, the

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traffic cop of the ego.
It is turning the light red when

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the ego wants to jump in and run
across the road.

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Why would the ego want to jump
in?

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Well, it depends on what the
other person is sharing with us

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and how they're sharing it.
Maybe our ego gets wounded,

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hurt, or insulted and wants to
protect and defend.

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Or maybe maybe the ego wants to
assert opinions.

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Or maybe our ego wants to fix
the situation, or the fix the

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other person.
Maybe the ego wants to control

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or deflect or absolve Our Our
egos are busy bodies, and they

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are ingenious at protecting that
fragile sense of self and that

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self's rightness and value.
So how does this traffic cop our

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our little bit of disengaged
consciousness?

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How does this traffic cop know
when the ego is crossing against

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the light, so to speak?
What are we watching for?

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We're watching for our reactions
to the one we're with, our

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spiritual cues.
Are we feeling annoyed?

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Are we feeling anxious?
Are we feeling, Are we feeling

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wounded, hurt, attacked?
Are we feeling rewarded?

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Acknowledged.
What are the feelings we're

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having as we listen to another
person?

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These feelings are all
manifestations of the ego and

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the ego's needs.
And though those manifestations,

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they they separate us from the
other person and they muddy our

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ability to be of true health, to
listen, to truly listen and

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respond.
Most of the time when we engage

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with others in conversation and
exchanges of ideas, plans,

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etcetera, most of the time we're
responding to the literal

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meanings of what is being said.
And we react to these things.

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There's there's fun banter.
There's stories to listen to and

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share.
There's there's a flow of ideas

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with others, a give and take.
But when we start to have

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negative reaction, that is the
cue.

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That is the moment when we know
something important is being

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communicated by another to us
and that our egos are trying to

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shut it down.
And so we need to exert efforts

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to do the opposite the opposite,
to open up and engage without

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condition or distinction, and to
to accept what is communicated.

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So this is all still a bit
amorphous, isn't it?

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Okay.
So here, here's an example.

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And it took me a long time to
figure this out, the examples

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from my life and it took me a
long time to sort of figure it

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out.
But but sometimes okay.

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Sometimes when I'm busy and
concentrating, my husband will

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suddenly start doing and saying
what I interpret it as silly

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things.
He's basically he's basically

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trying to distract me to break
my concentration and it is

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irritating and it is distracting
and I react negatively like stop

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it please or can I please finish
what I'm doing.

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All all delivered with that
voice.

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That voice I just did right.
And that tone, the voice of

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irritation and impatience.
And one day, one day I noticed I

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I was doing the exact same thing
to him and he was irritated with

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me.
Surprise.

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Ironically, the inside of this
spiritual cue came when I was

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feeling hurt that being ignored
rather than irritated at being

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disturbed.
Instead of being the one who was

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disturbed in recognizing it.
I was sort of the perpetrator,

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right?
Which is a little bit of a

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reversal of the way the
spiritual cues work.

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But hey, I'll take the spiritual
cue insight wherever I can get

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it.
So at any rate, in my hurt, my

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poor wounded ego, I sat down to
think, to meditate.

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Why was I trying to distract
him?

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Why?
What was?

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What was my purpose?
And I I realized that I was

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feeling a bit insecure at that
moment.

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Maybe I was feeling a little bit
sad about some things, and I

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wanted reassurance.
I wanted to be reminded I was

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loved.
And to get those things, to get

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those reminders of those
assurances.

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I was irritating my husband and
I realized when he was

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irritating me in other times he
was pretty much after the same

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thing.
Reassurance, comfort, love, the

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ego can be so damned
counterproductive.

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So there it is.
Really.

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It is universal.
When we are feeling irritated by

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others or distracted and
bothered, even when we're

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feeling attacked, criticized or
demeaned, we are encountering

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another person who is
communicating to us that they

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need to be heard, that they need
to be reassured, that they need

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to be validated.
They need to know they are loved

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or accepted, that they're
valuable.

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This is really the undercurrent,
the subtext of so much

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communication, right?
So earlier we asked, how do we

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do it?
Listen spiritually.

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Well, this is the answer.
We listen.

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We listen and let the other
person talk.

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We don't react negatively.
We listen.

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We ensure our traffic cop
consciousness, that little extra

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consciousness is keeping the ego
from crossing against the light.

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Stop, stop, right.
We listen.

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We accept.
We embrace without condition,

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without distinction, and and we
communicate this acceptance

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physically with with nods of our
heads, with verbal sounds of

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understanding.
I see, I see.

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We extend at least in our hearts
and minds, Love, Okay, okay

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okay.
That's great for like friends

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and family and intimates and
such, but but what about a work

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situation, right?
What does this have to do with

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any situation that isn't
necessarily an intimate

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conversation, or with somebody
with whom we're very close and.

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And for that matter, what if the
other person is actually wrong

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where they're saying stuff and
it's just wrong?

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What?
What role does spiritual

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listening have in those
situations?

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The same.
The same rule.

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It has the same rule.
Absolutely no difference.

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The only difference is in what
might follow what we say and do

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next.
In a professional context, we

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can still spiritually listen and
follow that up with direction or

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with correction.
We can even follow it up with

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gentle criticism and feedback,
but because our ego is still

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waiting at the crosswalk, we're
holding it back right.

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We're keeping it checked.
Because of that, we can do this

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communication without without
malice or without defensiveness,

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Without aggressiveness.
It can be considerate and in

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that it is loving and kind.
Spiritual listening is another

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way to meditate.
It is a meditation in action.

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How so?
Okay.

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When we meditate, sit with
single pointed concentration, we

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calm our minds, slow everything
down, or at least make efforts

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to do so.
And when we calm our minds, slow

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things down, our egos are lulled
a bit.

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The quieting of the ego creates
space.

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It creates a mental silence.
We stop broadcasting thoughts,

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so to speak, in that silence, in
that spaciousness, answers come,

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truth emerges.
And that's that's truth with a

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capital T Truth is ever present.
It is always there.

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Or here, actually everywhere but
but but the noise of our minds

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drowns it out.
The constant complaints of our

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ego shouts it down.
The noise of our minds is the

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ego's constant war against being
wounded and constant efforts to

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be validated.
When we spiritually listen to

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another, we are able to hear not
just the words of the other

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person, but we can perceive
their needs, their fears, their

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wants, their insecurities.
We can bear witness to another

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person who is trying, like all
of us, trying their best, to be

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abidingly happy.
When we listen spiritually, we

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will hear the wisdom of
enlightenment.

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It can thus be perceived.
This is listening for the

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Buddha, and the very answers we
ourselves seek will emerge.

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They are there.
We just need to hear them.

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And they will emerge in the
voices of others and from the

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silence in our own minds.
When we can slow down.

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So we've talked about two
aspects of spiritual listening.

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One leads to the other.
The 1st is using our spiritual

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cues to engage our conscious
traffic.

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Cop stop.
We'll give our ego a red light

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and allow us, our authentic
selves, to be present for others

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in our lives, whoever they are.
It will allow us to listen.

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Listen with our eyes.
Listen with our body.

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To listen paying attention to
what is behind the actions of

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others.
Listen with a mindset and

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intention of being of help,
without an agenda, without an

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angle, without trying to get an
edge or advantage, without

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conditions or distinctions.
It will allow us to listen

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around, through, over and behind
the words, to listen to the

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intent to the spirit of the
other, to listen with the wish

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to understand the other aspect
is in spiritual listening,

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quieting our egos and thus our
minds.

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And then we will witness,
perceive, and intuit truth.

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We will grasp answers that help
us to move forward, that show us

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how to help the person across
from us, and that helps us

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cultivate more abiding happiness
and joy in our lives.

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When we give, we get.
When we give, happiness

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blossoms.
Joy arises When we just get out

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00:22:28,470 --> 00:22:35,790
of the way and open ourselves to
the infinite, the answers we

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need in any moment to anything
will come.

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Rather, they're already there.
They're already here.

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Rather, we hear them as they are
listening, listening with an

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open heart, listening with
spiritual ears, getting out of

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the way, putting our egos into a
time out so we can be present

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for others.
These actions open us to a realm

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of truth that is most definitely
the path to abiding happiness,

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00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:22,780
joy, and helps us to see our
authentic selves.

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Thank you.
Thank you so much for joining

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00:23:28,670 --> 00:23:33,430
today.
It it really is such a joy doing

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00:23:33,430 --> 00:23:36,790
this work with you.
Thank you so much for listening

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00:23:36,870 --> 00:23:42,150
and watching and making efforts
to become altruistic actors in

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00:23:42,150 --> 00:23:47,790
your worlds.
Your good, positive kind actions

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00:23:48,150 --> 00:23:50,750
and intentions touch everyone
everywhere.

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So let's continue to walk this
path together.

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Let's all try our best to
spiritually listen to those

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around us.
I look forward to our next

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00:24:02,980 --> 00:24:08,780
episode as we continue to
uncover and discover our

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authentic selves.
Thank you.

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00:24:15,140 --> 00:24:18,780
Thank you for listening if you
enjoyed this podcast and want to

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00:24:18,780 --> 00:24:21,020
hear more.
Please subscribe and share.

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00:24:21,780 --> 00:24:24,620
If you'd like to share your own
experience, thoughts, or ask a

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00:24:24,620 --> 00:24:27,420
question, please send an e-mail
to Mike.

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00:24:27,660 --> 00:24:32,580
At resonant dot social.
With gratitude Theme music is

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00:24:32,580 --> 00:24:36,580
courtesy of stock audios
distributed by Pixa Bay, A

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Resident Life is a podcast from
The Time Is Now Productions.