Episode 25 - It's Not MY Problem!

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Welcome, you are listening to
the podcast, a resonant life

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produced.
By the time is now Productions.

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I am Mike Thompson, your host,
and reflector and chief.

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In this podcast, we will discuss
experiences and insights, from

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living a life devoted to
uncovering the authentic self.

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And finding fulfilling purpose
from the past, the present and

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the future.
This podcast is a product of my

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life and experience and I'll
share my opinions.

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Opinions between people are
various and we don't all need to

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hold the same ones, but it is
fun to hear the opinions of

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others as it gives us an
opportunity to freshen up our

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own.
If you enjoy and gain Insight

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from listening, Please
Subscribe.

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And share.
If you have questions, please

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email them.
And as always, nothing you hear

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here is a prescription or a
prescription.

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It is a discussion of life and
life's internal and external

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experiences.
So, let's get to it.

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Hi and welcome.
Thank you for listening today or

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watching if you're on YouTube
and a special welcome to those

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of you joining for the first
time.

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And for those of you who've been
working with me on this project

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for a while, this is episode 25.
So we've got a few under our

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belt here.
Welcome back.

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And wow, do I owe you all an
apology and an explanation?

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It has been at least a month
since the last episode and it

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seems forever.
My goal has been to have been

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doing one episode a week and
I've not met that goal recently

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and I hope you'll bear with me
though.

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The reason is, I started
teaching a new course at a

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university here at the end of
May and whoo, it has consumed

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all of my time and energy, being
a new course.

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I've had to develop all the
curriculum readings lectures

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presentations.
Everything from scratch.

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And basically I got out of
balance that just took

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everything.
It took everything and certainly

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I needed to be out of balance to
meet that need but now I'm going

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to try to right the ship and get
back on a weekly episode

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schedule.
But that said that's it it might

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take me two weeks to get to
episode 26.

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So bear with me if and wait and
I appreciate your patience,

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thank you for your support.
Art your understanding and I

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certainly appreciate it.
So okay, here we are.

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We're back together.
So let's dive into our project

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here at a resident life and that
is uncovering or authentic self

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and making the changes to our
lives.

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That will result in more
abiding, happiness and joy in

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our lives and the lives of those
around us and by doing so

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becoming active It's in creators
of Peace in this world, we

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share.
So today, today, we'll talk

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about that feeling that
attitude, that mindset of not my

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problem.
Or there's nothing I can do

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about it.
I want to dig into this and see

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how we can explore, how that
attitude, that mindset isn't

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really a mile post on our path.
'The to the authentic self.

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Yeah, yeah.
It can be a queue for us to

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later direct and adjust our
minds and hearts.

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Let me start with the recent
experience of my own not too

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long ago.
I was helping out with a large

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event for a cultural
institution, and it was a very

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exciting fun and fulfilling
project and during the events.

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When we're all kind of enjoying,
there was a musical performance

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and I'd been out of the room
when it started.

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But as I entered, I was, I was
brought up short by another of

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the people working on the event.
And this person came at me kind

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of hard and fast and challenged
me in a bit of a panic and

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seemingly with a lot of
irritation and they wanted to

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know why the slideshow playing
during the music.

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What's the wrong slides, was the
wrong show.

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It wasn't what was supposed to
be up on the screens and I was a

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bit taken aback.
And honestly, I got defensive

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and my response was kind of I
have nothing to do with that.

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And the person pressed me again
and I responded.

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Again, really?
I'm sorry, I have nothing to do

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with that.
And you know what?

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I kind of said it in that exact
same voice Voice.

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So we moved on me a bit rattled
and the other person ostensibly

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on a mission to fix the
presentation slides.

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So this exchange stayed with me,
it stayed with me through the

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rest of the event through
dinner, through all the

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speeches, just kind of kept
bothering me and I didn't just

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fade away into the background of
experience over time.

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In days, it stuck with me, it
was like getting getting honey

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on your fingers sticky.
And the stickiness just moves

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from one service to another as
soon as you get one thing

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cleaned off, you find something
else is sticky.

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And this is how this experience
was as memory and I kept

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replaying it over and over in my
mind.

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Did I do something wrong?
Why did this person?

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Think I was responsible?
What had just happened.

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Why did I get defensive?
So, I've learned that when

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exchanges I've been involved in
linger, in my mind, that the

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experiences are, the memories
are sticky that they are hanging

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around inviting me to examine
them.

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Actually to examine me, my mind,
my intention.

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My feelings, my actions.
In that time, in that memory,

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they linger.
Inviting me to challenge my ego

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defenses, and sense of
rightness.

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Could I have been better?
Could I have been more kind more

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helpful?
Could I have been more out of my

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comfort zone?
How about, how about could I

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have been less defensive?
Defensiveness is definitely one

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of my personal things.
I have to keep working on.

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So we've talked a lot about
spiritual cues using our

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emotions and reactions to take a
timeout.

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And, and look at how our egos
reduce us and limit us, reduce

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us and keep us from reaching out
and extending ourselves to be

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available to be of help to
others.

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To do the opposite of what our
egos push us to do, right?

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Remember the ego that stuff in
the background that drives us

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the ego, on an instinctual level
wants routine?

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Predictability and the ego wants
essentially Supremacy.

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So, this lingering memory of the
exchange.

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This, this was a spiritual q and
with your patience and

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Indulgence.
I'd like to dig into it here and

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share that process with you.
So, there is a word in Japanese.

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I hear a lot.
Shogun.

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I It is one of those words that
is more of a concept or a Vibe

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than just a word with an easy
translation.

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And one common meaning is, it
can't be helped or like, the

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French should put its a la vie.
A more nuanced definition is, I

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understand this situation might
not be ideal but I can't do

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anything about it.
So I'm going to move on And do

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what I can.
On a deeper level.

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It is also like the Serenity
Prayer, really that being grant

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me the serenity to accept the
things.

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I cannot change the courage to
change the things I can, and the

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wisdom to know the difference.
And yet another aspect of

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Shogun, I is, don't sweat the
small stuff or there are bigger

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fish to fry.
There are more important things

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in life, so move along, Finally.
And there may be some who will

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disagree with my interpretation
here.

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Maybe native speakers of
Japanese.

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But anyway, here it is.
This is kind of my

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interpretation how I've seen it
operate sometimes and in some

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situations Shogun I can be not
my problem.

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And maybe maybe maybe that is
why this interaction?

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I had is sticking with me
insisting, I go over it and dig

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into it.
When I said repeatedly in that

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moment, I have nothing to do
with that.

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I was I was basically saying not
my problem, not my problem,

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don't blame me.
And then add to that.

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Just a big shrug of my shoulders
and you can probably capture the

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whole vibe of that Exchange in
moments.

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Okay, essentially saying not my
problem.

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This is not on the path of
becoming a person others rely

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upon.
Not part of the practice of

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uncovering the authentic self
and definitely not altruistic

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and other focused not walking in
the other person's shoes.

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And it is so, so very easy to
just shrug one's shoulders

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intense situations to disavow
involvement and move on.

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It's So easy, it's like an icy
Hill.

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Just take one step and show your
all the way down. slippery slope

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as they say, In this situation
also showed me just how quick I

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am to defend myself to protect
my ego.

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I said, say it didn't just show
me it reminded me because as I

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said, I've been working on my
defensiveness for a long time.

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So you might be wondering what
then was the alternative What

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was the other way to handle the
situation?

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How could I have done it better?
How could I've handled it in a

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way that was on the path of
uncovering the authentic self on

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the path of altruism?
On the path of being a person,

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others can rely upon. so, before
I get to that, I want to share a

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bit more of what was going on,
in my mind, in the moment and

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this is this is all based on
reflection and having thought

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about this and reviewed it over
and over and over.

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So, in my recollection, in my
meditation, in my thinking,

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about this dwelling on it, This
is what I think was going on in

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my mind.
So one, my first reaction was

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whoa, that person is coming in a
little hot and accusatory and

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I'm being blamed here.
So this immediately put me on

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the defensive, it put me into a
defend, the ego.

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Psychological posture, right?
Raise the gate, man?

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The walls defend.
So too then I was thinking, why

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are they blaming me for this?
I really had nothing to do with

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it.
I had no involvement.

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Why am I to blame here?
So this psychological posture is

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disavowing responsibility, so,
the first reaction is defensive

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defend.
The second reaction.

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Why are they blaming me?
This is a dismissive.

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So three, next I remember
thinking this isn't even a big

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deal at all.
Nobody Knows.

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The slides are wrong there
watching the performance.

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Right.
So okay. 11 was defense to to is

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disavowal 33 was attack, even it
was just in my head was still

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attack.
So this is what the ego does.

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Defend Dodge counter-attack?
And in none of these moments was

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I reaching out a metaphorical
hand to help in none of these

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moments was I extending
Compassion, Care concern and

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none of these psychological and
intellectual reactions was I

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leaning in to help do something
anything.

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Even if just an Offer to help.
These reactions.

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They're so common, aren't they?
If you think about you in your

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daily life, in difficult
situations, do the above three

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phrases sound familiar to you.
There may be so familiar.

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We never really step back and
think about them.

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We just sort of moved to the
psychological position of being

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in the right and move on defend,
Dodge counter-attack and then

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move on, right?
Defend Dodge counter-attack, but

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here's the thing.
I am thinking about it.

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I'm objectively looking at the
situation at what I did, what I

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was thinking and what I was
feeling What I was feeling?

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The stickiness of the memory was
a queue and taking the cue.

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I'm digging in this, this is our
project doing this digging in,

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taking the cue and digging in.
So I could look at this

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experience as a failure to do
the right thing.

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Failure to think the right thing
and a failure to say the right

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thing, I wasn't walking the walk
despite talking the talk, right?

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But but it's not about the
failure.

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Okay.
I just used the word failure. 34

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times, it's not about failure,
it's about the process.

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It's not about the outcome.
It's about actions that lead to

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the outcome.
So let me repeat this.

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It is not about The failure, it
is about the process.

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It is not about the outcome, it
is about actions and

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motivations, not about the
failure, it's about the process,

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not about the outcome, it's
about the actions and the

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motivation if there were need
context or opportunity from

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this, right?
If I if there were I can

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certainly apologize to this
person for not being helpful.

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And that would be a good right
thing to do.

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But leaving it at that just say
I'm sorry.

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I wasn't, I wasn't so great in
that moment.

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I'm sorry.
And then walking away, moving

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on, right?
But but leaving it at that just

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making an apology.
Is leaving the whole situation

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in the failure column, right?
Because it's like I failed I

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need to apologize.
That's and that's a good thing.

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But still, there's more I can do
on the personal development, on

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the uncovering, the authentic
self on our path of becoming a

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person, others can rely upon so
apology.

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Great, but we can't leave it in
the failure column Unexamined

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failures will be repeated.
So I'll just do the same thing

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over and another tense situation
where somebody's looking to

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blame you for something, right?
I'm just going to move a book

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and defend attack move on.
I don't want to do that.

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I want to evolve, I want to
progress.

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I want to be a better person,
right?

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So unprocessed outcomes are
doomed to repeat and I want to

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move forward.
I want to advance on a spiritual

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path that results in me being
more abiding lie, happy and

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critical and a true help to
others in every situation, every

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single situation without
exception or condition.

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That is our project here at a
Resident Life.

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So I'm going to take this
failure and make of it, a

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grindstone to polish away.
The grime of my ego, that covers

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my authentic self.
So, back to Shogun, I Back to

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not my problem.
Now that I've got distance on

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this time and distance and now
that I've acknowledged that

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there's work to do here, I can
easily imagine what a better

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response and handling of the
situation would be.

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And uncovering that and
committing to it, a better

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outcome, a better situation, a
better process, I've planted the

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seeds to it, in my mind and
heart and with practice and

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consistent intention.
I can do better next time,

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practice and consistent
intention of like watering these

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seeds, right?
And they can up Sprouts, I can

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do better next time and even
better the time after that.

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And if one of the situations I'm
in is a real doozy a real ego

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Bruiser or I'll be able to still
do better, even if I don't do

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great.
Right?

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It's about progress incremental
progress.

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Taking stock reviewing
considering seeing how we can do

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better committing to do better
and then trying to do better in

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the next situation, right?
Continue examining and doing

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better and better and better.
This is the practice.

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So to do better Shogun, I and
not my problem could have been.

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Do you want me to check with the
production?

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One team or which slides should
be up, I can try to get them to

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00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:56,800
change them instead of dodging
and counter-attacking.

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I can help.
I can lean in to do something to

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assist.
So notice something here, I said

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instead of dodging and
counter-attacking and I did not

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00:21:12,100 --> 00:21:15,700
say instead of Defending and
this is intentional.

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The ego is a worthy foe.
And if I try to tame it in these

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kinds of situations, I'll maybe
I'll maybe never make it to the

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next step.
Basically, I'm saying let the

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defensiveness happen.
This will que me to what I need

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00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:41,500
to do and in that diversion
diverting from Dodge to leaning

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00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:44,500
in, I will have tamed the ego a
bit.

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00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,600
Instead of trying to tame it on
the front, end your taming, it

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through action, on the back end,
the ego can't be taken on

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00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,500
directly.
If it could we'd already have

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done it right.
Think of Muhammad Ali and his

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rope-a-dope boxing strategy.
We play rope-a-dope with the

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00:22:02,700 --> 00:22:08,200
eagle, let it do its thing, but
then use that as a cue rather

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00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,700
than be its victim and do what
it wants you to do, rather than

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00:22:12,100 --> 00:22:14,900
being a victim instead, be an
actor.

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00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:19,200
An agent and do the good things,
the positive things act

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00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,700
positively.
So we are intentional actors.

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When it kicks in rather than
passengers on the train of

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00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:30,900
wounded Pride, I hope you'll try
this next time.

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A negative interaction sticks
with you.

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You'll find that you start to
release attachment to who is

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00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:44,300
right and who is wrong.
And notice, I didn't really say

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00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:48,300
who is right and wrong in the my
reactions, I was not my problem.

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00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:50,700
So I'm saying, I'm not wrong,
right?

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00:22:50,900 --> 00:22:52,200
Not necessarily saying I'm
right.

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I'm just saying I'm not wrong
but without getting attached to

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00:22:56,700 --> 00:23:00,500
all of You'll be able to feel
more compassion for the person

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00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:04,600
with whom you've had the
negative interaction instead of

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00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:08,500
resentment.
Compassion will flow in because

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00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:10,700
you're leaning in to help
because you're leaning in to

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00:23:10,700 --> 00:23:11,800
help.
You're acknowledging that

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00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,800
there's a person there who needs
something, and if you see

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00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:18,700
someone who needs something,
compassion naturally naturally

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00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:23,800
blossoms compassion is something
warm and gentle and a component

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00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:27,500
of joy.
Resentment is an element of

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00:23:27,500 --> 00:23:31,100
anger and I don't want that
poison in my life.

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00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:37,700
I want my heart and mind to be
filled with all the components

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00:23:37,700 --> 00:23:43,000
of joy, and all of my words and
actions to be causes of joy.

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00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:48,600
In others at such a big goal,
such a big goal, but it's so

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00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:51,500
possible.
If we do this work and we are

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00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:55,700
here to support each other, So
I'm ready for the next time I'm

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00:23:55,700 --> 00:24:00,400
in a Shogun I situation and that
my problem moment, I'm ready to

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00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,900
lean in and instead of
retreating and dodging, I'm

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00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:07,300
going to extend a hand and my
heart.

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00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,000
So thank you for joining me
today.

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00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:17,300
I sincerely appreciate everyone
listening and making efforts to

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00:24:17,300 --> 00:24:22,500
become altruistic actors in your
worlds to making your lives more

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00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:25,600
joyful and happy.
And by extension the lives of

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00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:30,000
all those around, you more
joyful and happy your happiness

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00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:33,000
touches everyone.
Just like the light of a candle

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00:24:33,100 --> 00:24:35,400
lights, up, the room and lights
up.

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00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:41,500
Everybody in it everywhere.
But for it to a by for us to

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00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:46,100
continue to make progress and
Shore up that progress like I

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00:24:46,100 --> 00:24:49,100
reminded Us in the last episode,
you need to practice to use

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00:24:49,100 --> 00:24:53,400
those cues and act on them.
I look forward to our next

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00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:59,500
episode as we continue to
uncover and discover our

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00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:02,400
authentic selves.
Thank you.

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00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:09,500
Thank you for listening.
If you enjoyed this podcast and

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00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:12,100
want to hear more, please
subscribe, and share.

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00:25:12,700 --> 00:25:14,600
If you'd like to share your own
experience.

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00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:18,900
Thoughts or ask a question.
Please send an email to Mike at

335
00:25:18,900 --> 00:25:23,600
resonant dot social.
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00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,600
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00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,600
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00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:30,900
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